Do you feel like you have enough time?
I was talking to a client of mine the other day who is in her 20s. She has been sharing a lot of feelings of insecurity with me about her career choices. These are legitimate concerns and I can appreciate her fears.. there is a lot to consider and a bunch to risk if she 'gets it wrong' during this time in her life. If she aspires to have all of the things she has dreamed for, she feels strongly that she needs to get as early a start as possible. She chastises herself at times in session, telling me that she knows she must sound silly because, "it's not like (she is) forty or something!" . She feels confident that she has enough time to figure out a lot of these things later on in the future, but just longs for some guidance today.
Well, that smacked me right between the eyes!! Being forty is not a distant destination to me and I honestly don't feel significantly older than I felt when I was in my 20s. This moment with my client just brought to my focus how subjective this time thing is, and I am sure it is this way for so many of us. I don't feel like I am running out of time right now and before talking to my client, I think I probably passively thought of my future as still being this destination that is far away and that I would deal with 'some day' when it was time to really get serious.
So, as is fairly standard for my mind, I began going down a path of thoughts about time and our lives and the moments we are given each day. I have been spending more time in my practice and in my on-going learning exploring what it is to feel you have really lived a life that has been full and meaningful. The result of this little thought journey? I am beginning to come to the conclusion that the future does not matter nearly as much as I used to think it did.
The thing is that honestly, I don't think your view on where you are in your career necessarily needs to change when you are 40 compared to when you are in your 20s. I think it matters just as much in both periods of your life because of the unpredictable nature of life.. not only the fact that none of us can know exactly how long we will be alive.. but also it is very difficult to accurately predict what you will want or be drawn to far in the future and so many people find themselves in therapy with me discussing regrets they have about investing so much time and energy in to a career that they no longer feel passionate about.
So, if that is the case, what am I saying? Am I saying that I think no one should care about their career or make plans of have goals or direction? No, not at all. Actually- I think it is super important to have something to be striving for and I think this is how we all grow the best. I just think this realization suggests that there is much more value to live in the moment.. to pay attention to the future and give respect to (as well as try to learn from) the past, but to primarily invest your time and attention on the present moment and how to experience as much joy as possible in the here and now.
Yes, the future matters. It absolutely does. Advocacy for principles that need to be protected matters. I still feel that is all true. I just think focusing so much on the future leads us to spend our moments perpetually 'planning' instead of perpetually 'living'.
I think the sweet spot in life comes from spending some time really thinking about what actually sparks a light within you.. that is where the beauty is! If something is bringing you joy, lean in to it. Focus there. Yes, we all have to make sure we aren't harming others when we are living out our lives, but I think your 'duty' ends there when it comes to pursuing your joy.
Live for the moment. This is certainly wisdom that has been floating around our world for generations, but I think the challenge is to actually try to DO IT.. instead of spending the rest of your life planning to do it.. someday.
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