I have a lot of moments when I am in session with clients that lead to really great conversations that I start to think a lot of other people would probably love to hear. These might include questions that get discussed that I think a lot of people have, or topics that I wish someone had been able to talk with me more about when I was struggling. I started collecting my thoughts on some common questions and thought I would share them here on my blog. Let me know your thoughts and we can continue the discussion!
One question I have gotten asked a lot is why anxiety symptoms can get worse when the sun goes down. It seems like a lot of people experience this. First off, I think it is important to point out that there is a lot of research out there that demonstrates the direct correlation between sunlight and symptoms of depression and anxiousness. The relationship between sunlight and depression has been long established and the connection between anxiety and panic disorders and sunlight is more indirect and has become increasingly studied in the recent past. Most of the science behind these connections surrounds the impact that sunlight has on our body's production of serotonin and vitamin D (increases with sunlight) and when these chemicals are decreased in our body, our moods are directly impacted.
Another big correlation between sunlight/darkness and our experience of anxiety has to do with the way this impacts our lifestyle- not just the chemicals in our body. What we are able to do when the sun is out is much different than what we are able to do when the sun has gone down. Even if we are the kind of people who enjoy night time activities to a certain extent, there is a certain suggestion of opportunity and hopefulness that is present when the sun is out as there is an implication that there is still a lot of day left to live. There may be passive thoughts about the day- and the subsequent opportunities that the day had held- slipping away from you as the sun slips behind the horizon and darkness comes.
I have long attributed this to an anxious feeling of the "sliding door closing" for an opportunity and this is the sort of sensation I have experienced when the sun is starting to set. The fact that many of us can relate to this feeling can be seen all over our world, represented by the countless social media posts and memes lamenting the dread that fills most of us during that part of Sunday when we start to realize that work is coming again the next day or when a vacation is coming to an end. We have placed a lot of hope in to the idea of what we are going to accomplish during these moments in our lives and it is hard to accept that our time is 'up'- even if things had gone well, overall.
I have found that there are a couple of helpful approaches to take when trying to battle this feeling- but let me be clear here. The feeling of dread still comes and there are times that I still feel anxious about this. I am able to battle those feelings and have a more rational response to these feelings now because of the impact these different approaches has on my thoughts.
I remind myself of the balance that the end of the opportunity represents in my life, of the fact that darkness has to be present to appreciate light and that work has to be present to appreciate play, etc.
I remind myself that I will have a new opportunity the next morning that I will steal from myself if I try to negotiate with the limits of time by keeping myself up too late (something that I am guilty of, as a sort of act of defiance against the end of the weekend).
I remind myself of the science behind my body and my health and the fact that I need rest to function and that some things must be done in order for life to keep pressing forward in a productive way. No, I did not dream of a future folding tons of laundry, so I do not get thrilled about that aspect of my life, but it still needs to be done! I remind myself that this is a necessary 'evil' and that it means I have clothes for my body the next time I get to do something awesome.
I also have found it helpful to evaluate what things are on my 'list' each day, realizing that my expectations are often totally unrealistic and set myself up for pretty much guaranteed failure. Of course I am going to feel defeated if I have tried to pack six weeks worth of home improvements in to two days! Even though that does not make logical sense to pack a ton in to a small amount of time, I think we find so many messages telling us to "grind harder", to work work work, to reach further .. and it can become tempting to take those messages too literally and end up in a really awful emotional state. I can push myself towards success and ensure that I am not being idle or lazy while still making sure my expectations are healthy and realistic.
So, that being said, you might find it helpful to take some time evaluating the items on your list each day and each week and ask yourself if they really NEED to be there. Ask yourself if you can focus on just ONE THING AT A TIME instead of telling yourself the lie that so many of us tell that says we can be effective even if we are trying to multitask. Our brain can only fully focus on one thing at a time, no matter how much you don't want that to be the case!
Reminding myself of things like that is helpful because it makes me be more realistic with my 'to do' and 'goal' lists. If it is on my list, I need to have an actual time planned for it- and that can also be a really helpful to consider when you are trying to make sure that your lists and expectations are reasonable. I think this all comes down to being more clear and honest with yourself, and that honestly can be really hard to do.
I know that may seem a bit tangential off the topic of sunlight and how that impacts your anxiety, but I think it is helpful to illustrate why you might feel this pressure ahead of time to get more done than anyone really could.. and that would make the stakes feel much 'higher' if that day is coming to an end. Do you see what I am saying here?
I also agree with what a lot of clients are saying about the fact that, at night, you are more isolated and thus you are left with your thoughts and awareness of your mental illness. This goes along with the 'lifestyle' changes that come with the change of time of day. You can feel cozier in some ways, nestled in your home with your favorite comfortable clothing and your favorite blanket and your favorite book or whatever it might be.. but there is also an inherent decrease in the amount of connection you can have with other people when the day is coming to an end.
If you find the decrease in connection to feel isolating, you might need to schedule distractions, implement breathing techniques or meditation that you become very consistent with or otherwise try to redirect your thoughts when you start to experience negative ones again. Once you have been able to experience a few "wins" with this act of trying to redirect your thoughts, then you can use those victories as evidence to remind yourself in the future if you start to experience anxieties again.. that you had this happen before and you were able to overcome the symptoms and return to a place that was comfortable for you. That can the most effective outcome of any of these exercises and can be the place where real, lasting change can happen because you are retraining your brain with how to appropriately think about the experiences you are having.
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